THE HERMIT

And the wise hermit has returned !

After the tumultuousness and turbulence of the past couple of months i am finally calming down (not entirely though). The past few months have stretched me emotionally so much i feel like a rubber band that has lost its elasticity. I have nothing left emotionally. Nothing to offer to anybody, not love, not friendship, not comfort...... nothing.... zero... I dont know whether i will find the courage to love someone ever again, i am so scared now. Never have i known the heights of happiness and the new bottom that i crashed into. I have never been happier and sad at the same time within a span of 4-5 months. The child inside me was dreaming and flying, the young man inside was soaring and zooming but the wise old hermit was nowhere to be seen.

I should have read the signs. But signs can only be interpreted by the wise and unfortunately the hermit had disappeared when i needed him the most. But i dont think that would have made much of a difference because I still would have been blinded by my own happiness. Now the constant pain and emptiness that used to plague me has returned in full measure and so has the hermit. I like the pain, i can live with it. At least its loyal and faithful, unlike happiness which is fickle and deceiving. It promises the heavens and gives hell instead. But pain keeps its word, it would never go away. This pain has given me my wisdom and the sense of peace and calmness that i find so intoxicating. Now i am once again slowly getting detached from this world and its inhabitants, slowly killing the need for any human emotion and touch. And sometime in the future i shall disappear into the shadows and the mountains far far away...... in search of peace...

Not love........

PEACE !!!!!